:120222: So there I was in my cell, minding my own business (as usual) when I came across an eHow instructional article. The article itself was rather strange and specific: How to Draw Zodiac Constellations.

And there I am, cited as an expert in the definition of a Zodiac Constellation. This was, mind you, before I was a published author on the subject of astronomy, which would make me a little bit more of an expert, one would think.

It's nice to know I was considered an expert before I published the book, but it might matter who is considering me the expert.

Not just anyone can write for eHow; there appears to be an application process, and the writers are all paid for their content.  This writer passed somebody's screening process. Demand Studios (content distributor for eHow and other channels) also hires copy editors, who presumably passed somebody's screening process and then checked the work of the writer. And yet...

The instructions were a bit odd. Basically: look at someone else's representation of the constellation. Draw the big stars first, then the smaller stars. Connect the dots. I have a hard time reconciling how these instructions are useful, or how they are appreciably different than instructions for drawing any constellation.

Another thing Demand Studios pays people for: determining the appropriate category for a particular title. I'm not sure if they desperately need more people for this job, or if their current employees are just terrible at their jobs. The drill-down for this article is Home >> Toys & Games >> Magic, Mystery & Fortune Telling >> Aries >> How to Draw Zodiac Constellations. There has to be a better classification for this! If I were starting from the Home location, there's no way I would follow this path to figure out how to draw Zodiac Constellations. Here are a few that I would try first:

Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Drawing
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Pencil Drawing
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Step by Step Drawing
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Draw to Scale
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Draw Anything
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Draw Illustrations
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Art Drawing >> Drawing Directions
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Draw Shapes & Objects >> Draw Stars
Home >> Arts & Entertainment >> Draw Shapes & Objects >> Draw Stuff
Home >> Hobbies & Science >> Earth & Space Science >> Constellations
Home >> Hobbies & Science >> Earth & Space Science >> Find Stars
Home >> Hobbies & Science >> Earth & Space Science >> Night Sky
Home >> Hobbies & Science >> Earth & Space Science >> About Astronomy

That means the Toys & Games route would be at minimum my 14th try, but I'm guessing I'd never actually get there. I hope they have a better search function than categorization function. While looking through those categories, I found all manner of mis-categorized articles. All of those drawing subcategories should probably have been in "Arts & Crafts" rather than in "Arts & Entertainment," but that aside, when you finally get down to the articles in that first listing, >> Art Drawing >> Drawing, you'll find (almost at the top of the page):

Identify Income Sources You Can Draw From in Retirement
Can I Draw Both SSD & SSI?
What Is a Sales Draw?
How to Increase Your Band's Draw
How to Fix the Draw in a Fireplace

None of which are even obliquely related to Art Drawing. So, I'm thinking I might apply to work for Demand Studios, since I'm already cited as an expert, and clearly I have some skills they need.

:110215: My captors were looking at the newspaper today, and they noticed an interesting headline on the front page. "Hey, check this out! Pretty cool, huh?"

I looked at the picture where they were pointing. "Yeah! I made that!"

"What?"

"I made that. The vest, the shirt, the pants..."

Turns out, they were pointing to the article next to the picture, which made my comments not make any sense at all. The article they were referring to was also incredibly cool, and you should read that one, too.

But what I saw was this:

My dear friend Loren Hoskins has gone and followed his dreams. He has been a professional pirate for quite some time now as "Captain Bogg" in the Portland-based (of course) pirate rock band, Captain Bogg and Salty. Every once in a while, he calls upon my garment-copying and modification skills to enhance his piratical wardrobe.

Recently, (OK, a while ago, but we're all just now finding out about it...) he and band-mate Kevin Hendrickson began writing music for the new Disney Channel series, Jake and the Never Land Pirates. The two fellas have such charisma and stage presence, that they became animated and live action characters in the series. How many people do you know who are Disney cartoons?

Anyway, Loren's live-action wardrobe matched his cartoon persona, but didn't look like it was going to withstand too many live performances. Loren commissioned me to craft some replacements out of sturdier materials, with lots of double stitching, and based on past costume pieces I already knew would fit Loren pretty well (like this vest, of which I have made several copies. Oh, and you can't see the vest or pants that well, but this is my all-time favorite Pirate Rock Star photo of Loren).

Also: pockets. I mean, this is Peter Pan after all; I can be Wendy and sew pockets for my Lost Boy. A live-action cartoon Disney pirate rock star's gotta have a place to put his keys, you know?

If you have the Disney Channel and a young toddler at home, watch Jake and the Never Land Pirates for the everything. If you have just the Disney Channel, watch it for the music, music videos, and endlessly entertaining performances of Loren and Kevin.

:090916: My communications with the outside world have not gone unnoticed by my captors. Messages have been intercepted... at least once.

I was glancing through my list of followers on Twitter the other day, and I noticed a name. A pretty big name. MayorSamAdams. It seems that the Mayor of Portland, Oregon had decided to follow me on Twitter.

After my initial shock, I thought it must be simply that I was from Portland. Surely a good Twitter-active mayor would find the citizens of his fair city and follow them. It seems both neighborly and mayorly. Though I haven't figured out how to do it directly through Twitter itself, there must be some third-party app out there that will let you search by city to find interesting people to follow...

Anyway, I was still excited, and tweeted: I'm being followed by @MayorSamAdams!

The next day, I received a direct message: I love your ID wallets. Sam

So, I'm not just being followed by the mayor blindly... No, he followed me, looked at my shop, liked my stuff, and told me about it! I couldn't believe it! I've been accused of being a minor celebrity in Portland, and it seems as though there is a mere one degree of separation between everyone in this city - but Sam Adams?!? Minor celebrity indeed.