:090916: My communications with the outside world have not gone unnoticed by my captors. Messages have been intercepted... at least once.

I was glancing through my list of followers on Twitter the other day, and I noticed a name. A pretty big name. MayorSamAdams. It seems that the Mayor of Portland, Oregon had decided to follow me on Twitter.

After my initial shock, I thought it must be simply that I was from Portland. Surely a good Twitter-active mayor would find the citizens of his fair city and follow them. It seems both neighborly and mayorly. Though I haven't figured out how to do it directly through Twitter itself, there must be some third-party app out there that will let you search by city to find interesting people to follow...

Anyway, I was still excited, and tweeted: I'm being followed by @MayorSamAdams!

The next day, I received a direct message: I love your ID wallets. Sam

So, I'm not just being followed by the mayor blindly... No, he followed me, looked at my shop, liked my stuff, and told me about it! I couldn't believe it! I've been accused of being a minor celebrity in Portland, and it seems as though there is a mere one degree of separation between everyone in this city - but Sam Adams?!? Minor celebrity indeed.

:090120: My captors have acquired new leadership. This is it, today's the day. The day our lives get better. The day our world changes. The day we've been waiting for.

Some of us have been waiting since November 4th. Some of us have been waiting 4 or 8 years... some have been waiting all our lives.

Here comes a president we voted for, not just because he was not the other guy. He means many things to many people. We have high expectations. We hope he won't let us down, but it's not a false hope. There is nothing false about hope.

Abrowender's canvas of the first lady reminds us that first ladies can be powerful, confident, stylish, eloquent, serious, and warm all at the same time.

:061109: My captors have sent this to me before. I have tried to ignore its stupidity. Finally I got it again with some appended comments from my friend Mike, and it inspired me to add my own. To all you ignorant fools out there who think you've been done wrong, think harder before you open your mouth.

The appalling text of the original message is contained within the block quotes, and my comments are the others.

Actually it's not. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to call people names? Just because nobody corrects you when you're being mean on purpose doesn't make it OK. Also, revenge isn't OK either, so if somebody calls you nasty names, retaliation will NOT make you the bigger person. Not even a little bit.

Because you are. Not only is it not nice to call people names, but there are some words you just don't use. And not just hurtful words relating to race. I feel this way about disparaging comments about all groups of people, be it religion, socioeconomic status, disability, sexual orientation or any other aspect of diversity. Categorical hatred is not OK with me. Washing your mouth out with soap is just not enough. If you ever use these words around me, even if you think you're joking, I will not spend any more time around you willingly. Partly because you disgust me. Partly because there are hundreds of other people I could spend my time with that treat other people with respect. And partly because if I look at you too long after a comment like that, I might just have to kick you in the teeth.

Really, does this need a response? Well, somebody wrote it, so apparently it does. Violence is not good - no argument there, but saying that white violence is OK because there's more violence other places is bullshit. I won't even go into why ghettos exist in the first place.

What is this "you have" crap? I'm pretty sure I have Martin Luther King Day, too. Just because I personally am not black doesn't mean I can't celebrate the day, or recognize a great man, or acknowledge much needed progress in the world. Same for Black History Month. It's mine, too. There are many black historical figures who have had an impact on MY life, even though I'm not black, and if you think they haven't impacted your life at all, then you need to study more black history! I won't list all the special holidays that commemorate the accomplishments of a white guy... I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader. As for BET, do you actually care that one of the HUNDREDS of channels that exist is a special interest channel? Oh wait, there are only about 5 that are NOT special interest channels. I'm pretty sure that if you had your own cable channel that focused on white entertainment, nobody would really care.

Are you kidding me? I would say all of the tax payers pay for that. I'm pretty sure you have to pay taxes if you are Hispanic or Black. I'm also pretty sure Americans don't really like taxation without representation... so if something is being paid for by tax money, it's because somebody that YOU and your community voted for decided it was a good idea. If you don't like it, go vote for somebody else. Oh, you didn't vote at all? Then shut up.

They are actually "Historically" Black Colleges. Historically so because white people back in the day didn't want to go to school with black people. Remember segregation? If the idea of historically black colleges offends you, then you must also be offended by the idea that black people were allowed to get a college education so long ago. Nowadays you don't HAVE to be black to go to those schools, just like you don't HAVE to be white to go to "historically" white colleges. And there are plenty of college funds that give money only to white students, but they are specific categories of white students. Really. Do some research.

Excuse me... do white people have a hard time with their white rights? Do they have a hard time being heard as a group? Have you as a white person EVER felt like you weren't being heard because of your race, or your rights weren't being upheld because you were white? I didn't think so. If either of those things were true for a million white people in this country, It would not be unreasonable to have a march. Since it's not true, shut up.

I defer to my friend Mike's comments: " 'white' is not an ethnic group. White people come from some of many European countries. So the next time you want to shout out your 'white pride,' know where you are from. there's nothing wrong with Irish Pride..."

Again, none of this is OK. If you do something wrong, take responsibility for it, both directions. If a white police officer beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, but for a white drug dealer doing the same thing, he simply handcuffs him and puts him into the car, then that's racist. There is an orderly way criminals should be processed through the justice system, and it applies to everyone. It shouldn't matter what your crime is. Being arrested isn't supposed to hurt.

Whites aren't the only ones who can be racist, but fools like whoever wrote this e-mail originally sure make whites sound like racist assholes. As for being improper, as in "not in accord with propriety, modesty, good manners, or good taste; not marked by suitability, rightness, or appropriateness," I'm pretty sure that the e-mail is indeed improper, to put it mildly.

This last line certainly makes it easy to see which of my friends I continue to have respect for.




The rest of Mike's response is as follows:

MY RESPONSE:
It's not the fact that only whites are racist. All the things mentioned in the email are groups and societies based to embrace diversity, specifically in the United States. The reason it's racist to have a"White Entertainment Television" station or White scholarships is because "white" is not an ethnic group. White people come from some of many European countries. There are many European-based opportunities available. White Entertainment Television is ALL of TV; the "Big 4 networks" (ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX) are prodominantly white oriented.

White people founded this country, and were pretty racist about it. Stealing land from Native Americans and enslaving them, only to find out they die from your european disease. let's sail to Africa and take these people, it'll be ok, as long as we have slaves that aren't white.

As a Black man reading this, this email is disgusting and awfully racist. If someone sends you this, please don't buy into this. This is White America trying to instill racism into you.

So the next time you want to shout out your "white pride", know where you are from. there's nothing wrong with Irish Pride...

By the way, I'm not mad at white people, this email is just pitiful.

-M.J. Moore, Portland, OR

:060806: My captors suggested that I tell some folks a little something about how I feel about them, but without revealing which statement is intended for whom. The letter codes at the beginning of each statement are not initials, but if you think you know which one is for you, you may ask.

AA - I look to you for how to be in the world. You don't have a ready answer for everything -- you have a thoughtful answer for everything. You can think for the sake of thinking and explore the silly side of things as well. Wherever you find yourself, I know that you will spread good in the world.

AC - You remind me when I need it most that my company is desired by someone. You are warm and affectionate and I wish good things for you. Keep yourself healthy and your head held high and you will go far. And keep popping back into my life when I need you most.

AI - You are steady and insightful beyond your years. You have a playful spirit tempered by knowing and employing the appropriate mood for each situation. You can make the most of each situation and inspire others to want to make the most of the situation as well.

AL - Though we are not much alike, we find contentment and comfort in each other's presence. There will be a big hole to fill when you are not around as much as you used to be. May you always be as full of life as you are now, and may you always find true happiness in all that you do.

AR - You have taught me so much, and your style has influenced mine more than even I realize. I had hoped to know as much as you someday, but I don't think that is possible for me. It is comforting to spend time just doing nothing with you. I hope you are in my life for a very long time.

AV - You alone were nice to me one morning when nobody else was. For that I prize your friendship above all others in that group. I cherish your beautiful soul and I want to protect you from anything bad that could come your way. I hope you find your way into my life again soon.

BL - In the beginning, I had such high hopes and definite goals for you in my own mind. As far as I can tell, my plan has worked and you found the kind of happiness I knew you would find rather than focusing on the kind of happiness you would not find. You are strong and confident in exactly the right ways.

CE - You were eerily the one I recognized when there was no one else to recognize. I admire your ability to start over completely when your chosen path no longer suited you. You were open to my dependence as much as anyone could have been, and I appreciated that immensely in my time of need.

CI - Long hours spent, you and I, as other relationships have faded. We learned from each other, and then moved on, but I miss you already. I wonder if I made you as frustrated as another currently does me. You didn't show it much, but maybe I'm not showing it either. Good luck in all that life holds for you.

CM - You are a beacon of all-knowing strength and a symbol of home. You used to frighten me with your supernatural ability to be so on top of everything and have all the answers. It no longer frightens me, but it still inspires my awe and respect. I wish for you all the respect you deserve from everyone you encounter.

CN - You have so much passion and so much to give. You can use your own gigantic personality to make anyone feel comfortable around you. You look for how you can do the most good and have the most fun at the same time. I miss you when you are far away, but I also know you are always near.

CO - You are many things to many people, and I am glad to have been a part of your life. Your ability to put the people at ease who need it most is uncanny. You will continue to touch the lives of many others wherever your path takes you. I hope your path also brings to you those who can touch your life as deeply.

DE - There is something whole about you. You are relaxed and free in a way that few others are, and you make others feel relaxed and free around you. You take advantage of all the wonderful things life has to offer, and there is joy in your spirit. May you spread your joy wherever it takes you.

DO - I have known you longer than most, and you are so easy to spend time with. I sometimes think you would benefit from getting away and starting over, and I think you have enough courage to do so, even if you don't think you do. In many ways, you hold us all together, and I value that in you.

EI - You stuck with something you wanted to change because of me. I'm glad you did. I would never have gotten to know you as well if you hadn't. You grew on me slowly and steadily, and I can't imagine those early times without you. I think of you often and I wish for good things to come your way.

EN - You are beautiful and appealing in a way few others are. You can draw my attention toward you without even trying, and you initially remembered who I was without having any particular reason to. Life will take you as far as you want to go, and I am confident that all of your charismatic qualities will remain intact.

EO - I am always in awe of whatever you are interested in. You can gather so much from your immediate vicinity and use it to make sense of your world. I appreciate that you accept as much from people as they are willing to give and do not expect more then they are able to give.

ER - You magically appeared on day, and it seemed as though you had always been there. You knew how to be and what to say and you put everyone at ease. I have never known anyone with a bigger heart and a stronger desire to give no matter how much you get hurt in the process.

ES - I am always glad when you are around. You are someone on my level that I can talk to, and you appreciate the same things that I do. I hope that people truly understand where you are coming from in the arenas in which it matters most. You have kept me from feeling adrift.

ET - You are a hard one to know, but the more I know you, the more I love you. You put so much of yourself into everything, but so slyly that it is not noticed until it is gone. I did not initially believe that I would grow to think of you as my own, but I have. You generate goodness and harmony.

EU - I have known you for so long and watched your family evolve. We are so different, but our shared history will connect us forever. I value your talents and your love of life and your balance of freedom and responsibility. I hope that your sense of responsibility will rub off on those closest to you.

FU - There is something so beautifully complex about how you think about the world. You are cerebral for the sake of being cerebral, but also because anything simpler would do a disservice to your thoughts. May you continue to delight in finding ways to understand this complex world.

IA - Your reputation preceded you by many years. In that way of legends, I had always assumed that years of absence had caused years of corresponding embellishment. I know now that the embellishment was not false. You are all that they said you were and far more. I'm glad I know you.

IE - You hold within you so much beauty to share with the world. It is great to see you no longer holding back as much as you used to and now you share as much of yourself as you possibly can. I am sad that you live so far away from me now, but you are where you can do the most good from your heart.

IG - As soon as I arrived, you decided that we were going to be best friends. We didn't go to the same school, and we didn't participate in the same after school programs, but that never stopped us. We had no trouble arranging to spend time together. I'm glad you were so bold that first day.

II - You are steady and true, and always up for the same level of activity as I am. You are content to just be without needing any particular diversion, but diversions are fun, too. In an arena where relations run deep, mine with you runs among the deepest. You will always be in my life.

IM - You have strong opinions and a sharp wit. You can be likable and infuriating all at the same time. Though you frequently argue with me, I know that when it comes down to something important, you will always be on my side. I have grown to like you more as the years have passed, and would never trade you in for another.

IN - You are the mother figure for all of us who are too old for mothers, but really still want one around. There is no way to feel but warmth in your presence and sadness in your departing. You are a role model and a comforting inspiration to all who come in contact with you.

IS - You are talented beyond what could possibly be normal, and yet you dismiss your talent with an easy-going shrug. There are so many directions you could go with your life, and so many ways you could be successful. All who encounter you gain some subconscious insight into your wonder.

IT - It seemed so long ago that you were the only one who got it. It continued to seem that way for many years. We have shared some meaningful experiences and laughed until we no longer made any noise. You are passionate and logical in a way that will help you get things done.

KK - I don't know when your view of me changed from being someone who was always around to someone you looked forward to seeing occasionally, but I'm glad it did. Though we don't see each other often, it always feels good when we do. You are beautiful in so many ways, and I wish you beautiful things.

KN - In the time that I knew you best, your life took a couple of sharp turns. One caused some definite growth, and I truly hope the other did as well. Part of me fears that in order to be happy with your new life, you had to lie to yourself a little bit. I hope that by now you believe the lie so completely, you have forgotten that it was a lie.

LA - You had confidence and maturity at a time when no one else dared. You still seem to far exceed your years in having everything figured out. You always treated me better than others in your group would have, and you still do. I hope to run into you again in the future.

LL - I wish more people could truly understand your complexities. You relate so much of yourself to the world around you, and so many people you know only get a glimpse of it. They don't understand that how you feel about the part of the world they know is affected by the rest of it. I love you more than you could know.

LM - How could I have known when we met that we would remain close friends for so long? And yet you remain close by but just out of reach to me. I hope against all hope that you are happy with your life as it stands, and are not still biding your time waiting for it to truly begin.

LN - You get joy out of complexity, but only the type of complexity that generates hilarity. You mock the failings of others not because they can't do something, but because you know they can do it and they just haven't figured it out yet. You can create something intricate and beautiful just because you want to.

LR - You are rational and cerebral in a way I can identify with. I feel like I lost you along the way somewhere, but I will find you again someday. In the early times you always made a point to explain the things I didn't understand when no one else recognized the need for it.

MR - You are a steady ball of bright and happy. You know much about some things, very little about others, and you always want to know more about everything. You can always raise the mood of another to the joyous level of your own with very little effort. May you always find ways for your experiences to teach you something new.

NE - Even with your incredible intelligence and astonishing beauty, you always have a ready compliment for anyone around you. You have strong opinions, but you are not abrasive with them, and you exude confidence and charisma. Spending time with you makes me feel like I have very classy friends indeed.

NI - You are so mature in your demeanor and you have so much going for you. I often wish I could have so much of my life as put together as you have yours. I admire your ability to keep in touch with people you have not seen in a while, and I am happy to be included among those.

NK - I have known you from earlier days, but absence and growth did not change our shared ridiculousness. We have so little in common and so much in common at the same time. I love that you are always up for a little mischief. I hope you continue to float into my life for a long time.

NL - You have been a source of joy for me for longer than you know. What you lack in confidence, you make up for in heart and steadfast logic. You can keep others grounded because you yourself are grounded, and your laugh comes easily and is deliciously contagious.

NO - A spitfire to inspire spitfires. You never hesitated to put me in my place, but my place was never a permanent one. You have so many stories to tell and so much experience to share, and everything seems funnier when you are around. You are one of those who knows everyone, and I am glad to be included.

NU - There are so many reasons I like you, and I have confidence in your grand vision of things. I wish you had as much confidence in my ability to see your grand vision, or at least allowed me enough time to make decisions on my own. I feel like I have lost a part of you.

OC - I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me. You are a source of inspiration and information beyond anyone else I can think of. You have always been there to help me solve problems, and I can't imagine life without you around. Thank you for all you have given me through the years.

OD - You give better hugs than almost anyone I know. You are easy to talk to and I am lucky to have spent so much time in your company. I love how much your face changes when you find something exciting, and I love how much you appreciate a well spent lazy day. I send good thoughts your way.

OE - I knew you back in the day, and I have thought of you often since then. You were not the one I had a crush on, but in retrospect you should have been. Not that it matters one way or the other now, or even mattered then. What was it about you that kept you in my thoughts? I may never know.

PI - I have nothing but fond feelings toward you. You have been an opinionated presence that I can laugh with for many years, and seeing you happy makes me happy. We still need to do some frolicking someday that was planned many months ago but never executed.

RA - You are the only one of your kind I have known, and it gives me a general sense of hope that something in the world is working itself out on its own. You embraced who you were earlier than most, and you were always kind to me. I love that you can be comfortable with many without compromising who you are.

RE - There is something quietly compelling about you, and you use that to your advantage. I love your willingness to do anything for me, but I wonder how much of that is really you and how much is just your persona. Your competence has given me confidence in the competence of others.

RL - Your convictions and enthusiasm run true. You realize that it is far more fun to simply enjoy what you enjoy than to worry about what others might think of your chosen pursuits. I have spent many hours with you discussing subjects which matter so much and yet matter not at all.

SA - I enjoy engaging in philosophical debate with you. I wheedle away at what you think you know is true until you come just a little bit closer to knowing where you stand. You have such an inventive mind, and whatever problem comes your way, you can find a way to solve it with whatever materials are available to you.

SE - I never felt like I was cool enough to truly be your friend, not because you made me feel that way, but because your other friends were all so cool. Even so, we shared a special and meaningful time, and I'm glad I was a part of it with you. There is more warmth in a world that contains you.

SI - You are so thoughtful toward others and you are affected so deeply by the thoughtfulness of others toward you. Unfortunately, you are also affected deeply by the thoughtlessness of others toward you. I wish for you that all you encounter recognize the warmth of your soul and treat it accordingly.

SN - You have an incredible amount of knowledge to share with the world and sometimes you sell yourself short. Have faith that others will look to you for the knowledge you have when they themselves are ready to hear it. Nurture your warm and loving side.

TN - You have so many fascinating facets, that I cannot keep up with them all. It has been wonderful to see you grow powerful and also to break away from your ruts when I never thought you would. The future holds great things for you, and I can't wait to see what all you find out there.

UD - You help me to see my own life more clearly. You affect my decisions, and though I do not affect yours, I am content with having been a part of your life. Your future will take you in directions I cannot follow, nor would it make sense for me to. You are already far more successful than you realize.

VN - You have always been one of my favorites. I don't see you much, but I love seeing what has changed each time I do see you. You have such an incredible imagination and a ready smile and you are so easy to talk to. I look forward to spending more time with you in the future.

WN - There is so much strength in your very presence. I hope you continue to find people who value that strength, draw from that strength, and feed that strength. I always love when the joy of a funny moment erases all evidence of worry from your face and your grin takes over your whole being.

YA - You were a steady visitor when no one else was. I don't know what my appeal was, but there you always were. I wonder if you found what you were looking for. You have always felt a little like someone else's friend, but I'm glad our paths crossed as deeply as they did.

YT - You ask me the hard questions and prod me until I give you complete answers. You always want more from me than I have to give, which frustrates us both, but I value who you are anyway. Reconciling our differing perspectives is a worthy challenge, and we both grow from it in every encounter.

YY - At first, you were too much for me. I didn't know where you came from, and I didn't know how to interact with you. As time wore on, however, you were indispensable to my view of the way things ought to be. We must find more time to frolic in the moonlight someday soon.

ZA - You once said to me, "You're lucky I like you so much," as the justification for not being as annoyed as you could have been for something I had done. I wonder if you know how much that meant to me. I wonder also if you know how much I like you. You were a pillar of charismatic strength when I needed one, and I think of you fondly.

:060315: Under sec. 412 of the act, my captors can detain, for seven days, non-citizens suspected of terrorism. After seven days, deportation proceedings must commence or criminal charges must be filed. Originally, my captors had asked for authority to detain suspects indefinitely without charge. The final bill, for all practical purposes, allows expanded detention simply by charging the detainee with a technical immigration violation. If a suspect cannot be deported, he can still be detained if my captors certify every six months that national security is at stake.

I have read several articles, blogs, and opinions regarding racial profiling and airport security. There is outrage at both ends of the spectrum. Outrage from those who have boarded a plane to find a passenger who “looked” Arab who was not searched at the gate and the subsequent fear of flying with such a passenger. Outrage also from those who themselves looked Arab and must endure searches every time they wish to travel. The opinions I find most interesting, however, are those that begin with one set of principles and end with another.

These opinions begin with the morally superior attitude that racial profiling should not exist at all because it is wrong. This seems to me like a fairly strong conviction that would not easily be swayed. But they then proceed to realize that airport searches that are entirely random (the ones that search the feeble old white man, but let the nervous-looking swarthy man pass un-harassed) defeat the purpose of preventing hijackers. They decide that they would rather exist in a world where people who look a certain way are singled out on the assumption that they are doing something/have done something/are about to do something wrong, and land safely at their destination, than exist in a world where everyone is treated fairly and potentially die in a plane crash.

In the sense of innate self-preservation encoded into the genes of all successful species, I suppose keeping oneself alive at all costs is understandable.

But what kind of life is that? Think about what you truly believe to be right and wrong in this world. Is the prospect of your own death enough to change your deeply held beliefs? Plus, the presumption of guilt based on ancestry is a dangerous game. It stinks of Executive Order 9066, among other horrendous episodes of history. Learn from past mistakes, people… Pardon me for a moment while I call on one of the greats.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said: “I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Is it even possible to listen to Dr. King’s speech and disagree? He did not add “except if they kinda look Arab because then maybe there might be a chance they would be statistically more likely to hijack an airplane.”

I would much rather die on an airplane, knowing that I had died in a world where the information on how to fly, build, crash, destroy, hijack an airplane was available to anyone with a library card (and library records untracked by the government), and in a world where everyone was judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin, than be safely alive in a world where the reverse were true.

I’m not saying safety isn’t important, but I don’t think racial profiling is the answer. I agree with Kjell Wooding’s article on http://pintday.org regarding irrational censorship. Wooding had posted something about many of the possible ways a person could subdue, injure, or kill someone on an airplane using items that could easily get past airport security. His point was that the prevention of disasters did not lie in what could get onto a plane, but in never, under any circumstances, letting a hijacker into the cockpit. A response was sent to the head of his department at the university where he was studying (it should be noted that the original posting was in no way affiliated with the university) warning of Wooding’s possible danger, and recommending that he be investigated and that the university “arrive at some security decisions.”

Ignoring for a moment the fact that the reader missed the point of the article, I would still rather have something like this available on the internet for everyone to see than have it censored. If someone publicly details the weaknesses of a system in a forum accessible even to the creators of that very system, then the system itself gets stronger. If you lived in a castle surrounded by people who wanted nothing more than to break into your castle, you would welcome the daily newsletter landing in front of your drawbridge detailing exactly how they planned to get inside. If they tell you in advance that there’s a low spot over the north wall, you don’t complain that now ALL the hordes know there’s a low spot over the north wall, instead you set to work making that spot higher.

The people who are actually planning to be destructive aren’t the ones who are going to publish exactly how they are going to do it, so everyone should be glad that somebody IS going to publish it, and we should be glad that it’s legal to do so. Also on that note, if airport searches are limited to, or predominantly focused on people who look a certain way, wouldn’t those who were planning to be destructive choose someone else to carry out their nefarious plans? Like maybe that elderly white man…

So airport searches should either be entirely random, or based on actual evidence of a person’s actual character (legally obtained with the proper warrants and that person’s knowledge). Nobody exactly fits any profile, and my civil liberties are more important to me than my safety. The civil liberties of my fellow humans are also more important to me than the safety of my fellow humans.

Oh, and if you’re going to die in a horrible accident, it will be at the hands of your friendly neighborhood drunk driver. Statistically, anyway.



More from the greats:

Mahatma Gandhi: “Freedom is not worth having if it doesn't include the freedom of making mistakes.”

Kahil Gibron: “Life without liberty, is like body without a spirit.”

Benjamin Franklin: “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

Voltaire: “I disagree with what you say but I will defend to death your right to say it.”

Archibald Macleish: “What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose: The right to create for yourself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing.”

Martin Luther King Jr.: “Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of hatred.”

:060216: My captors want me to choose a favorite event. I can't do it. I love them all. It doesn't matter which event is happening, I love to watch. I can say that some of my least favorite are the team sports. I think this is because of the elimination process. If the two best teams in the world are matched against each other early on, one team gets the chance to try for gold, and the other can't get any medal at all. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Conversely, my favorite events are the ones with absolute outcomes, like races. No matter who is racing against whom, no matter who is judging, the best time wins. No style points, no bad luck with whom the athlete is paired against, just pure speed. In the close races, I find myself whispering "go go go go go go go go go go…" as I watch.

At the start of each event, I always find myself rooting for the US. Every two years, for two weeks, I am very patriotic. I enjoy the victories of athletes from my country. I've never met these people, I've never participated in their sport of choice, but their victories are my victories. There is something inspiring about belonging to something that is the best in the world. It feels good to root for the best in the world.

So, although I like to root for Americans, I don't really like to root for Americans who are not the best in the world. I much prefer to root for the best in the world. Doesn't matter what country they come from, if they are medal-bound, I'll whisper my go-go-gos for them, too. I can appreciate the beauty of a sport well done, even if I know nothing about the sport. Yes, I'll readily admit that I am a fair-weather fan.

I'm also a sucker for a good underdog story. A shoddy upbringing, a terrible injury, multiple past Olympic dreams dashed, even a bad pre-competition practice will get me rooting. Speaking of bad pre-competition practices, I am of course rooting for the American, Lindsay Kildow who totally bit it on the downhill during practice, enough to land her in the hospital overnight with deep muscle bruises, and she's skiing now despite the pain. I'm also rooting for the French skier, Carole Montillet-Carles who crashed on the same run, sustaining rib, back and facial injuries. Her face is so bruised and swollen she can barely fit into her helmet.

The element of danger in so many events grips me with fascination. The athletes travel at such incredible speeds in unforgiving environments. You don't realize just how fast they are going until they fall, and you see how high they bounce. How did they get to the level where they can handle those extremes? Then it dawns on me that they start out small. Very small. They have worked for years and years to get to where they are. I not only cannot fathom working so hard on something to get so good at it, I also cannot fathom spending so much of my life focused on a single pursuit. One sport. One single idea. Every moment of your free time since you were very small.

It is because of this that I wonder what goes on in the minds of medalists on the podium. Some grin stupidly, and can't really believe that they are there. Some weep with the release that comes from years of pressure coming to fruition. Probably none of them are thinking yet, "Ok, what now?" Now that they have done what they set out to do, what they have spent every moment of their free time doing for as long as they can remember, what do they do now? These athletes are not very old. The youngest of them will set their sights four years into the future and prepare for the next Olympic games, or other competitions. Some will become commentators for their particular sport. I guess the rest will get a job.

All in all, I am a fan of sport, of friendly competition, of the top dog and the underdog, of the fastest race and of the fairest race, of the home team, of the falls that are agonizing out of pain or out of broken dreams, of giving it your all, even when you know with absolute certainty that you will not win the medal. And yes, I’m absolutely and unashamedly a fan of the "Life Takes Visa" commercials.

:060210: My captors keep talking about the good old days. There is something to be said for living in the now. There is more to be said for enjoying the now. I listen to people recounting days of yore with nostalgia and longing, and I understand that hearts can be warmed by fond memories – I quite enjoy my fair share of cardio-toasting recollections of my past – but the pedestal is what worries me.

My father is a high school teacher. In the high drama of your typical teenager’s life, the big picture is easy to lose. My father reminds his students, “If high school is the high point of your life, you’re doing it wrong.” Meaning Life. You’re doing Life wrong. High school should not be the best time you ever had. It should not be the greatest, most glorious four years that will ever be. If it is, that means the entire, long, rest of your life never got any better than high school. Think about that. Nothing in your life was ever any better than high school.

It’s not just high school. It could be anything in your life. If you can pick a point in your past that was the best time you ever had, then you should change something in your present or your future. Right now should be the best time you ever had. Make it a never-ending goal to outdo yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to go to dangerous extremes, you just have to find something that fulfills you as much as or more so than whatever you were doing in the past.

Life can always get better than it used to be. If you cling to your past with the conviction that no part of your future can top that time, then no part of your future ever will. You will have become older without having grown.

This past-clingage makes me saddest when it involves me. An old friend will want to reminisce about times gone by. Again, I enjoy the reminiscing, to a point, but when it becomes clear that that person’s life never got any better than that, that’s when I start to become uncomfortable. It’s the pedestal thing, I think. I was a part of something, some time in their life that was truly great. Those were the days. The Greatest Days. When they see me, they are reminded of those, the Greatest of Days. I am a part of their Greatest of Days. Their life has just been a continuation, plodding on with only a memory to sustain them.

But I moved on. I had more great days, even some greater days after that. Those new experiences did not involve that other person. I put that person on no pedestal. Sure, we had some good times together. And sure, I’ll always remember them with a warm-hearted fond glow. But my greatest days are still to come, and they may or may not involve that person. Should I feel bad about that? To me, the other person is a fond memory of my past. To them, I am a pivotal piece of their Long Lost Greatest Time.

This is where my discomfort comes in. Being a part of someone’s Greatest Time Ever is a lot of pressure. They want to talk about it. They want validation that those were the good old days. They want me to agree. “Weren’t those just the best days ever?” “Don’t you wish we could relive those days?” “Doesn’t life suck now that we’re not in that time anymore?” …What am I, as a good friend, supposed to say? Do I lie and say, “yes?” Do I tell them the brutal truth, that the time in their life they believe will top no other was, to me, not all that great in comparison to the things I have done since then?

Clearly I cannot invalidate their Greatest Time, so like a good friend, I lie. I agree that their Greatest Time was also my Greatest Time. I can tell, though, that the most persistent reminiscers do not believe the lie. They want details. They want me to explain precisely how the Greatest Time came to be the Greatest Time, and why it is still the Greatest Time. I cannot provide details because I have none. It isn’t true. It was a good time, but I have no evidence at all that it was the Greatest Time. I don’t believe it. If I did believe it, it would be a depressing Truth to behold. Never any better than that? For all time? I hope I have a good 60 or 70 years left in me. I hope I didn’t waste my Greatest Time Ever already. That would be a whole lot of nothing to look forward to.

Remember the good times. Remember the Great Times. Reserve judgment of the Greatest Time Ever for your deathbed. Hopefully, it will be difficult to choose.

:060126: My captors have perplexing nocturnal habits. Are they trying to die? Driving is the scariest thing I do. I operate a large piece of machinery that could potentially kill several people at any instant if I'm not careful, or even if I am careful.

So I want to know what's up with this epidemic of idiotic pedestrians. I have no problem with pedestrians in general, but this pattern I've been noticing is a little disconcerting. Recently there have been several (like 25 in the last month) pedestrians walking in the street. Not crossing the street, just walking in it, like parallel to the sidewalk. On top of that, all of these street-walkers have been wearing dark colors and I have encountered all of them at night.

Luckily, I have not killed anyone yet. As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with the sidewalk. It's not flooded, it's not littered with dog poop or corpses, there aren't extra hills or even tree roots pushing up unwieldy obstacles. These are just ordinary, run of the mill, averagely kempt sidewalks.

In all of these cases, there has been a line of parked cars between the sidewalk and the moving traffic. The pedestrians walk between the parked cars and the moving traffic. If they come to a stretch where there are no parked cars, they do not veer to the right to be a little more out of the way of giant fast moving hunks of metal, they hold their course about 10 feet from the curb. Sometimes they walk in a group and do not walk single file. Also, less than half of them even bother to turn and look over their shoulder when headlights and car noises approach. How can they possibly know I even see them?

Am I missing something? Sure, pedestrians have the right of way, but that doesn't mean they should assume that everyone is automatically going to give it to them. At some point, someone will not see the darkly clothed group of people walking in the street, and then the sidewalk WILL be littered with corpses.

At some point, these pedestrians are going to learn a nasty and painful lesson. I just hope I'm not the one to accidentally teach it to them.

:060123: My captors just offered me a job. With benefits. I had no problem turning them down. Even with debt staring me in the face, and the prospect of paid vacations and inexpensive dentistry, I know where my priorities lie. My co-workers are nice people, and I probably wouldn't even have to interview, but sheesh... it's basically glorified data entry. This is kinda what the conversation sounded like:

Julie - "Do you want to do accounts payable for good?"
Me - "November through March?"
Julie - "No, all year."
Renée - "She's offering you a job."
Me - "My other job pays me more, I get to be outside, they feed me..."
Julie - "We'll pay you more. We'll give you benefits."
Renée - "Vacations, you can take vacations!"
Me - "I like to be outside."
Renée - "We can put your desk near the door, that's almost like outside."
Me - "It's not the same."
Renée - "You could go outside whenever you wanted."
Me - "That's a parking lot. I like having a job that requires me to hike 4 hours a day."
Renée - "We could get a treadmill."
Me - "It's not the exercise, it's the forest."
Julie - "We could take turns walking her."
Renée - "Whose turn is it to walk Lafcadio?"

They didn't really get it. It's not just the being outside, it's working for a company that doesn't do anything. It's retail. They don't help people grow, they don't conserve the planet, they aren't even for any sort of political cause. They just sell things. I might be able to justify a boring office job consisting of mundane tasks if I at least believed in what the company was doing with my services.

Staring at a spreadsheet, with no end in sight, for a retail store, wouldn't be worth all the benefits in the world. Not a bad temp job, though. Very temp. I did it for about 3 hours today. That should hold me for a while. Too bad those 3 hours didn't come with more pay and an eye exam.

:060120: News from the outside. My Great Grandmother passed away today. Last week I was sorting through some old schoolwork, and I found an interview I had done with her about the 1920s. She was 11 years old at the beginning of the 20s, and this is what she remembered. Her answers were paraphrased when I did the assignment, so these are not her original words, but they are close.

Interview from January 30, 1995

Ninety-six years, five months, and one day. She went from not having any electricity, or movies with sound, to watching video clips on a laptop computer. Who knows what's waiting for me in 70 years?

For the record, both my father and I tried for years to find "Montana Moon" on video or DVD for her to see again. As far as I can tell, they never released it outside of theaters.