Lafcadio
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Day 31 - Just A Little Shakey

3/7/2012

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:120307: My cell is firmly established on solid ground. Early Monday morning, two strong earthquakes awakened the Bay Area. At 5:33 am, a magnitude 3.5 quake, followed immediately by a magnitude 4.0 quake shook approximately 5.5 miles below the surface in El Cerrito, CA. Another mild aftershock was felt a half hour later.

Though the quakes served as a rude awakening and were felt as far away as Santa Cruz, they were relatively minor. Police dispatchers in the surrounding cities received no reports of injuries or major damage. Nearby transit systems and bridges were inspected and given the all-clear.

My friend, Mac (below) was less than 2.5 miles from the epicenter that morning, and his important job of keeping my mother's feet warm while she sleeps was interrupted by the jolt.
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Earthquakes are a constant threat in the vicinity of the seismically active San Andreas Fault, but individual minor quakes are only as significant as something like a nearby tornado: sure you pay attention to it, but if it doesn't destroy your house or community, you can forget about it pretty quickly. Here it is just a few days later and I bet most people have forgotten it already.

Every once in a while, though, an earthquake is a big deal. Longtime residents of the Bay Area will certainly remember the Loma Prieta earthquake (a.k.a. the Quake of '89 or the World Series Earthquake) as vividly as others remember 9/11 or the assassination of JFK.

The Loma Prieta Quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Magnitude Scale. The Richter Scale is logarithmic in nature, so each whole number is 10 times as powerful as the preceding number. That makes the '89 quake roughly 1000 times as powerful as Monday's quake.

Because of the timing of the event, the earthquake happened during the warm-up of a World Series game, making it the first major quake to have live, national coverage on television. It was also the event that triggered more long-distance phone calls than any other date in history up to that point. Everyone wanted to know if their Bay Area loved ones were OK.

As, of course, did I. My mother (the one whose feet are warmed by Mac) was unable to cross the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge because of the collapsed section, and took a circuitous route around the bay on public transportation to get home from work that night, along with everyone else in the same boat. A commute that normally took about an hour on the bus ended up taking her closer to seven hours.

Before cell phones, there was really no way for me to know if she was going to be able to come home at all that night. As a ten-year-old who had just experienced a major earthquake, it was pretty scary. I stayed at a friend's house that night, as did my brother. We didn't leave a note for Mom, mostly because we didn't want to remain in the high-rise apartment building longer than necessary, but she knew exactly where to find us anyway. She called our respective friends' houses around midnight when she finally got home.

Twenty-two years later, I can still remember exactly what I was eating just a moment before the shaking started. I can remember the underside of the heavy wooden table under which we took cover. I can remember exactly what the shaking felt like. I can remember the color of my friend's socks as we ran down eleven flights of stairs without stopping to put on our shoes. I can remember debating whether to continue walking to my friend's (one story) house in just our socks, or to risk going back inside for shoes (ultimately, we decided to go back inside for shoes and to rescue the cat). I can remember the exact clothing items I had to borrow from my friend to wear to school the next morning. I can remember looking around at the empty desks of my classmates the next day, and hoping that nothing terrible had happened to them.

And I can remember swapping where-where-you-when? stories for years afterward.
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Day 20 - Divided by Two

3/10/2011

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:110310: Appreciating the little things in life makes captivity bearable.
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10 Simple Pleasures

1) small bits of things, waiting to become a crafty treasure
2) sorting lots of little somethings by color
3) glass jars with metal screw on lids, and the sound of the rotation
4) a room lit only with daylight coming through the window
5) the smell of unstained, unfinished wood
6) the wholesome color and texture of undyed linen
7) the sound of tiny buttons tinkling against each other
8) a single, leftover thread from a button's former life
9) dozens of distinct shades of white
10) all the purposeful details of my mother's craft room
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Day 9 - From the List

8/6/2006

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:060806: My captors suggested that I tell some folks a little something about how I feel about them, but without revealing which statement is intended for whom. The letter codes at the beginning of each statement are not initials, but if you think you know which one is for you, you may ask.

AA - I look to you for how to be in the world. You don't have a ready answer for everything -- you have a thoughtful answer for everything. You can think for the sake of thinking and explore the silly side of things as well. Wherever you find yourself, I know that you will spread good in the world.

AC - You remind me when I need it most that my company is desired by someone. You are warm and affectionate and I wish good things for you. Keep yourself healthy and your head held high and you will go far. And keep popping back into my life when I need you most.

AI - You are steady and insightful beyond your years. You have a playful spirit tempered by knowing and employing the appropriate mood for each situation. You can make the most of each situation and inspire others to want to make the most of the situation as well.

AL - Though we are not much alike, we find contentment and comfort in each other's presence. There will be a big hole to fill when you are not around as much as you used to be. May you always be as full of life as you are now, and may you always find true happiness in all that you do.

AR - You have taught me so much, and your style has influenced mine more than even I realize. I had hoped to know as much as you someday, but I don't think that is possible for me. It is comforting to spend time just doing nothing with you. I hope you are in my life for a very long time.

AV - You alone were nice to me one morning when nobody else was. For that I prize your friendship above all others in that group. I cherish your beautiful soul and I want to protect you from anything bad that could come your way. I hope you find your way into my life again soon.

BL - In the beginning, I had such high hopes and definite goals for you in my own mind. As far as I can tell, my plan has worked and you found the kind of happiness I knew you would find rather than focusing on the kind of happiness you would not find. You are strong and confident in exactly the right ways.

CE - You were eerily the one I recognized when there was no one else to recognize. I admire your ability to start over completely when your chosen path no longer suited you. You were open to my dependence as much as anyone could have been, and I appreciated that immensely in my time of need.

CI - Long hours spent, you and I, as other relationships have faded. We learned from each other, and then moved on, but I miss you already. I wonder if I made you as frustrated as another currently does me. You didn't show it much, but maybe I'm not showing it either. Good luck in all that life holds for you.

CM - You are a beacon of all-knowing strength and a symbol of home. You used to frighten me with your supernatural ability to be so on top of everything and have all the answers. It no longer frightens me, but it still inspires my awe and respect. I wish for you all the respect you deserve from everyone you encounter.

CN - You have so much passion and so much to give. You can use your own gigantic personality to make anyone feel comfortable around you. You look for how you can do the most good and have the most fun at the same time. I miss you when you are far away, but I also know you are always near.

CO - You are many things to many people, and I am glad to have been a part of your life. Your ability to put the people at ease who need it most is uncanny. You will continue to touch the lives of many others wherever your path takes you. I hope your path also brings to you those who can touch your life as deeply.

DE - There is something whole about you. You are relaxed and free in a way that few others are, and you make others feel relaxed and free around you. You take advantage of all the wonderful things life has to offer, and there is joy in your spirit. May you spread your joy wherever it takes you.

DO - I have known you longer than most, and you are so easy to spend time with. I sometimes think you would benefit from getting away and starting over, and I think you have enough courage to do so, even if you don't think you do. In many ways, you hold us all together, and I value that in you.

EI - You stuck with something you wanted to change because of me. I'm glad you did. I would never have gotten to know you as well if you hadn't. You grew on me slowly and steadily, and I can't imagine those early times without you. I think of you often and I wish for good things to come your way.

EN - You are beautiful and appealing in a way few others are. You can draw my attention toward you without even trying, and you initially remembered who I was without having any particular reason to. Life will take you as far as you want to go, and I am confident that all of your charismatic qualities will remain intact.

EO - I am always in awe of whatever you are interested in. You can gather so much from your immediate vicinity and use it to make sense of your world. I appreciate that you accept as much from people as they are willing to give and do not expect more then they are able to give.

ER - You magically appeared on day, and it seemed as though you had always been there. You knew how to be and what to say and you put everyone at ease. I have never known anyone with a bigger heart and a stronger desire to give no matter how much you get hurt in the process.

ES - I am always glad when you are around. You are someone on my level that I can talk to, and you appreciate the same things that I do. I hope that people truly understand where you are coming from in the arenas in which it matters most. You have kept me from feeling adrift.

ET - You are a hard one to know, but the more I know you, the more I love you. You put so much of yourself into everything, but so slyly that it is not noticed until it is gone. I did not initially believe that I would grow to think of you as my own, but I have. You generate goodness and harmony.

EU - I have known you for so long and watched your family evolve. We are so different, but our shared history will connect us forever. I value your talents and your love of life and your balance of freedom and responsibility. I hope that your sense of responsibility will rub off on those closest to you.

FU - There is something so beautifully complex about how you think about the world. You are cerebral for the sake of being cerebral, but also because anything simpler would do a disservice to your thoughts. May you continue to delight in finding ways to understand this complex world.

IA - Your reputation preceded you by many years. In that way of legends, I had always assumed that years of absence had caused years of corresponding embellishment. I know now that the embellishment was not false. You are all that they said you were and far more. I'm glad I know you.

IE - You hold within you so much beauty to share with the world. It is great to see you no longer holding back as much as you used to and now you share as much of yourself as you possibly can. I am sad that you live so far away from me now, but you are where you can do the most good from your heart.

IG - As soon as I arrived, you decided that we were going to be best friends. We didn't go to the same school, and we didn't participate in the same after school programs, but that never stopped us. We had no trouble arranging to spend time together. I'm glad you were so bold that first day.

II - You are steady and true, and always up for the same level of activity as I am. You are content to just be without needing any particular diversion, but diversions are fun, too. In an arena where relations run deep, mine with you runs among the deepest. You will always be in my life.

IM - You have strong opinions and a sharp wit. You can be likable and infuriating all at the same time. Though you frequently argue with me, I know that when it comes down to something important, you will always be on my side. I have grown to like you more as the years have passed, and would never trade you in for another.

IN - You are the mother figure for all of us who are too old for mothers, but really still want one around. There is no way to feel but warmth in your presence and sadness in your departing. You are a role model and a comforting inspiration to all who come in contact with you.

IS - You are talented beyond what could possibly be normal, and yet you dismiss your talent with an easy-going shrug. There are so many directions you could go with your life, and so many ways you could be successful. All who encounter you gain some subconscious insight into your wonder.

IT - It seemed so long ago that you were the only one who got it. It continued to seem that way for many years. We have shared some meaningful experiences and laughed until we no longer made any noise. You are passionate and logical in a way that will help you get things done.

KK - I don't know when your view of me changed from being someone who was always around to someone you looked forward to seeing occasionally, but I'm glad it did. Though we don't see each other often, it always feels good when we do. You are beautiful in so many ways, and I wish you beautiful things.

KN - In the time that I knew you best, your life took a couple of sharp turns. One caused some definite growth, and I truly hope the other did as well. Part of me fears that in order to be happy with your new life, you had to lie to yourself a little bit. I hope that by now you believe the lie so completely, you have forgotten that it was a lie.

LA - You had confidence and maturity at a time when no one else dared. You still seem to far exceed your years in having everything figured out. You always treated me better than others in your group would have, and you still do. I hope to run into you again in the future.

LL - I wish more people could truly understand your complexities. You relate so much of yourself to the world around you, and so many people you know only get a glimpse of it. They don't understand that how you feel about the part of the world they know is affected by the rest of it. I love you more than you could know.

LM - How could I have known when we met that we would remain close friends for so long? And yet you remain close by but just out of reach to me. I hope against all hope that you are happy with your life as it stands, and are not still biding your time waiting for it to truly begin.

LN - You get joy out of complexity, but only the type of complexity that generates hilarity. You mock the failings of others not because they can't do something, but because you know they can do it and they just haven't figured it out yet. You can create something intricate and beautiful just because you want to.

LR - You are rational and cerebral in a way I can identify with. I feel like I lost you along the way somewhere, but I will find you again someday. In the early times you always made a point to explain the things I didn't understand when no one else recognized the need for it.

MR - You are a steady ball of bright and happy. You know much about some things, very little about others, and you always want to know more about everything. You can always raise the mood of another to the joyous level of your own with very little effort. May you always find ways for your experiences to teach you something new.

NE - Even with your incredible intelligence and astonishing beauty, you always have a ready compliment for anyone around you. You have strong opinions, but you are not abrasive with them, and you exude confidence and charisma. Spending time with you makes me feel like I have very classy friends indeed.

NI - You are so mature in your demeanor and you have so much going for you. I often wish I could have so much of my life as put together as you have yours. I admire your ability to keep in touch with people you have not seen in a while, and I am happy to be included among those.

NK - I have known you from earlier days, but absence and growth did not change our shared ridiculousness. We have so little in common and so much in common at the same time. I love that you are always up for a little mischief. I hope you continue to float into my life for a long time.

NL - You have been a source of joy for me for longer than you know. What you lack in confidence, you make up for in heart and steadfast logic. You can keep others grounded because you yourself are grounded, and your laugh comes easily and is deliciously contagious.

NO - A spitfire to inspire spitfires. You never hesitated to put me in my place, but my place was never a permanent one. You have so many stories to tell and so much experience to share, and everything seems funnier when you are around. You are one of those who knows everyone, and I am glad to be included.

NU - There are so many reasons I like you, and I have confidence in your grand vision of things. I wish you had as much confidence in my ability to see your grand vision, or at least allowed me enough time to make decisions on my own. I feel like I have lost a part of you.

OC - I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me. You are a source of inspiration and information beyond anyone else I can think of. You have always been there to help me solve problems, and I can't imagine life without you around. Thank you for all you have given me through the years.

OD - You give better hugs than almost anyone I know. You are easy to talk to and I am lucky to have spent so much time in your company. I love how much your face changes when you find something exciting, and I love how much you appreciate a well spent lazy day. I send good thoughts your way.

OE - I knew you back in the day, and I have thought of you often since then. You were not the one I had a crush on, but in retrospect you should have been. Not that it matters one way or the other now, or even mattered then. What was it about you that kept you in my thoughts? I may never know.

PI - I have nothing but fond feelings toward you. You have been an opinionated presence that I can laugh with for many years, and seeing you happy makes me happy. We still need to do some frolicking someday that was planned many months ago but never executed.

RA - You are the only one of your kind I have known, and it gives me a general sense of hope that something in the world is working itself out on its own. You embraced who you were earlier than most, and you were always kind to me. I love that you can be comfortable with many without compromising who you are.

RE - There is something quietly compelling about you, and you use that to your advantage. I love your willingness to do anything for me, but I wonder how much of that is really you and how much is just your persona. Your competence has given me confidence in the competence of others.

RL - Your convictions and enthusiasm run true. You realize that it is far more fun to simply enjoy what you enjoy than to worry about what others might think of your chosen pursuits. I have spent many hours with you discussing subjects which matter so much and yet matter not at all.

SA - I enjoy engaging in philosophical debate with you. I wheedle away at what you think you know is true until you come just a little bit closer to knowing where you stand. You have such an inventive mind, and whatever problem comes your way, you can find a way to solve it with whatever materials are available to you.

SE - I never felt like I was cool enough to truly be your friend, not because you made me feel that way, but because your other friends were all so cool. Even so, we shared a special and meaningful time, and I'm glad I was a part of it with you. There is more warmth in a world that contains you.

SI - You are so thoughtful toward others and you are affected so deeply by the thoughtfulness of others toward you. Unfortunately, you are also affected deeply by the thoughtlessness of others toward you. I wish for you that all you encounter recognize the warmth of your soul and treat it accordingly.

SN - You have an incredible amount of knowledge to share with the world and sometimes you sell yourself short. Have faith that others will look to you for the knowledge you have when they themselves are ready to hear it. Nurture your warm and loving side.

TN - You have so many fascinating facets, that I cannot keep up with them all. It has been wonderful to see you grow powerful and also to break away from your ruts when I never thought you would. The future holds great things for you, and I can't wait to see what all you find out there.

UD - You help me to see my own life more clearly. You affect my decisions, and though I do not affect yours, I am content with having been a part of your life. Your future will take you in directions I cannot follow, nor would it make sense for me to. You are already far more successful than you realize.

VN - You have always been one of my favorites. I don't see you much, but I love seeing what has changed each time I do see you. You have such an incredible imagination and a ready smile and you are so easy to talk to. I look forward to spending more time with you in the future.

WN - There is so much strength in your very presence. I hope you continue to find people who value that strength, draw from that strength, and feed that strength. I always love when the joy of a funny moment erases all evidence of worry from your face and your grin takes over your whole being.

YA - You were a steady visitor when no one else was. I don't know what my appeal was, but there you always were. I wonder if you found what you were looking for. You have always felt a little like someone else's friend, but I'm glad our paths crossed as deeply as they did.

YT - You ask me the hard questions and prod me until I give you complete answers. You always want more from me than I have to give, which frustrates us both, but I value who you are anyway. Reconciling our differing perspectives is a worthy challenge, and we both grow from it in every encounter.

YY - At first, you were too much for me. I didn't know where you came from, and I didn't know how to interact with you. As time wore on, however, you were indispensable to my view of the way things ought to be. We must find more time to frolic in the moonlight someday soon.

ZA - You once said to me, "You're lucky I like you so much," as the justification for not being as annoyed as you could have been for something I had done. I wonder if you know how much that meant to me. I wonder also if you know how much I like you. You were a pillar of charismatic strength when I needed one, and I think of you fondly.
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Day 3 - Epilogue

1/20/2006

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:060120: News from the outside. My Great Grandmother passed away today. Last week I was sorting through some old schoolwork, and I found an interview I had done with her about the 1920s. She was 11 years old at the beginning of the 20s, and this is what she remembered. Her answers were paraphrased when I did the assignment, so these are not her original words, but they are close.

Interview from January 30, 1995
We had electric heat, but before that we had the regular coal oil lamps. We had to get up early to make the fire every day and fire up the wood stove, which we had until the 30s. We would make oatmeal, and we would have pancakes every morning. In the late 20s we got a Model T Ford. My mom tried to learn to drive one day but she crashed into a tree and never tried it again.

I didn't finish high school; I'm kind of ashamed that I never did. I didn't go past the 10th grade because we had a large family, and I was ashamed of the clothes I wore. I babysat a lot and I worked in a dress shop for $15 a week. I also sold soap door to door. It was Rinsol, I think. I made $3 a day and I thought I was so rich. One summer I picked strawberries, and it was so hot that I nearly had a sun-stroke so they put me in a shed which wasn't much cooler than it was outside. I've never liked the heat since then. I also picked cucumbers one year and picked up potatoes with my brother. Working in the dress shop gave me confidence because I didn't have very nice clothes of my own. I wore plain dresses most of the time, with a print or something on them. We didn't wear slacks or anything back then, just dresses, unless you were playing or something, in which case you wore jeans, but I never did. I had one dress that I just loved. It was a white eyelet dress with a black ribbon around it just above the waist. My mother bought it for $5.

We had a large family and Dad was the head of the household. You always passed the meat to him first. Dad had his own special chair that no one else was allowed to sit in. Well if Dad wasn't there, why you could sit in it just fine, but if he was there, then you had to move. We walked a lot. It was a long way to our grade school, well, 9 or 10 blocks, so we walked a lot. I always came home for lunch because Dad always came home for lunch, and we had a full hour to eat.

Spring vacation was a lot different than it is today. Back then they called it Clean Up Week. The kids cleaned, raking up yards and making the yard all nice, and if we were good then on the last day we would get to have a bonfire. We would roast potatoes and sometimes marshmallows after the coals died down.

Every Saturday morning, my brother and I would go to watch a movie. It was 5¢ to get in, or maybe it was a dime, but I seem to remember it being more like a nickel. It was always a continuing story, so you had to come back every week. They gave out candy and stuff. They were always cowboy movies. I watched so many cowboy movies that I would have dreams that some man on a horse was chasing me and I was trying to get away, and I would thrash around so much that I would fall out of bed.

I can't remember which was my favorite movie but I will never forget one of them was called "Montana Moon," and I just loved that movie so much, and I wish that they would release it again sometime. I didn't ever see "The Jazz Singer," but I did go to the Vaudeville one time in Spokane. My parents couldn't afford to take me most of the time, but I went with a friend of mine one time. Her parents took us and it was just beautiful. I remember there was a painting of a ship on the stage. Afterward we went out for ice cream and I had an ice cream sundae. It was the first ice cream sundae I had ever had. We usually made our own ice cream a gallon at a time because our freezer couldn't keep it cold. We had an ice chest type thing that was about half the size of a normal refrigerator. We just kept a 25lb. chunk of ice in it to keep things cold. We couldn't shop for the whole week, we just kept the butter and the milk and maybe some meat in there. We didn't have real fancy meals.

Over labor day, we didn't ever go on any vacations, but Dad always got labor day off because of the union; it was the four Ls ... Loyal Loggers of Lumber ... anyway it was four Ls so on Labor day we would all go to the lake for a picnic. My mother would fill a basket like a clothes basket full of food for the lunch and we would take the electric train to the lake. There were always races and things there and it was something I always looked forward to. Sometimes my mother would bundle us up and she couldn't afford to take us to the circus but she would bundle us up anyway so we could see the parade. Us kids never really felt neglected or deprived.

We used to play cut the pie out in the snow with all the neighborhood children. The auditorium park had rides in the summer and they would shoot fireworks on the fourth of July. We would sit in the gully near the river, where we could sit up and see and look down on them. In the winter we would slide down the hill on sleds. Dad made a sled for me and my brother. It couldn't have been more than 18 inches long. We would go to a big hill. I would lie down on the sled and my brother would lie down on top of me because he was my younger brother. People thought we were sliding down with no sled because it was so small. I wish I still had that sled. I don't know what happened to it.

I didn't watch any sports until high school, when I watched football. Sports are so big business lately that they don't even seem like sports anymore. I played baseball and volleyball and tennis, and I went swimming in the summer at parks. During the Great Depression, Claude and I would get together with friends from the post office every other week on a Saturday afternoon. We would have a potluck supper and then we would play baseball and then pinochle.

I used to love Coney Islands. Sometimes Claude and I would splurge and we would go to a movie and then we would go to a Coney Island place. Coney island places are like chili dog places, like chili dog stands. They were 2 for 15¢ if you can believe that. And beer was 5¢ each. There was also this little man with a hamburger wagon and he would make little hamburgers for 5¢ each.

Something I didn't like about the 1920s was the dark wallpaper. It always made the room seem so dark. The style came back a while later but I never wanted to see it again. That was something that made an impression on me. Nowadays, everything is improved, the style of living is improved and comforts and such. I was never uncomfortable but there were 7 children in my family. We always had 3 meals a day and Mom baked. We would come home from school and you can't slice bread when it's fresh baked, so we would always get a loaf that we could just break hunks off of and spread butter in, and it was so good.
Ninety-six years, five months, and one day. She went from not having any electricity, or movies with sound, to watching video clips on a laptop computer. Who knows what's waiting for me in 70 years?

For the record, both my father and I tried for years to find "Montana Moon" on video or DVD for her to see again. As far as I can tell, they never released it outside of theaters.
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    Picture
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    "A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something sepa- rated from the rest—a kind of optical delu- sion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widen- ing our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
                                                         - Albert Einstein


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